So(u)lstice
There is something silly and poetic about resurfacing just in time for the longest night of the year. I came back for no other reason than to post memes and say this:
Darkness, in whatever form it enters or engulfs our life, is a teacher, a backdrop, a feeling, a memory, an opportunity, and profound untouchable nothingness all rolled into one.
I spent the last 12 months with my head down, working hard, being careful not to ask too much from the universe or step on anyone's toes. My only hope was for a fraction of neutrality and to avoid the pain and loss I had experienced in the year prior.
"Can't I just have this?" was my mantra.
Which, looking back on it now, was pathetic.
I wanted to put one foot in front of the other, do the next right thing, chop wood, and carry water (be who I have always been and will always be, but with heightened fears and insecurities - yay) and in return, receive nothingness, which I often equate with safety and peace.
The world had other plans.
The last few weeks were an unpleasant but perhaps overdue initiation into darkness, a reminder that empathy often walks a one-way street, that pain, like pleasure, has no real limits, and that experiences of loss and grief do not prevent or protect us from living life on life's terms and showing up with love, understanding, and forgiveness for ourselves and others.
Darkness is also an invitation to reclaim our energy, strengthen our discernment, and trust our intuition.
If you've ever spent time deep in nature, you know how different the world looks during a new moon versus a full moon. If you've ever woken up in the middle of the night and not known if that was a pile of clothes in the corner or a monster, you get it.
So, if you have been moving through a season of darkness, I want to remind you that yes, it may be a monster sitting in the corner of your room, or it might just be a pile of things you discarded when you thought to yourself, "oh, I'll clean that mess up later."
Some truths:
God is always in the room.
God never brings two people together to help only one.
If I want a closer relationship with God, I should probably have a closer relationship with his kids.
People who aren't treating us well won't magically decide to treat us better because we try harder.
We don't have to gather evidence as to why we are good people just because someone is determined to see us in another light.
So the night is dark. The year was long. I feel like I was run over by a truck after 11 months of bracing for impact. I will end with this:
"This is my secret: I dont mind what happens." - Krishnamurti